In our world of social media and various dating apps, is it still possible to meet someone “in real life,” or is that only something that happens in ’90s RomComs? I like to think that meeting your person organically can still happen today, and I encourage you to think so too. So, the question is—how? As someone who is on her journey to find her true mate, I want to open up this conversation and find support in each other while we take the necessary steps to open ourselves up for long-lasting love and partnership. Are you with me?
I think the attachment we’ve created with the shiny devices in our pockets is a huge reason why meeting people authentically feels so hard. Have you ever been in a waiting room, a crowded elevator, or a checkout line without your phone? Not having the ability to put your head down and scroll during these very normal situations feels uncomfortable for many of us. We’ve become so used to social media and technology offering us an immediate escape and opportunity for disengagement at any moment of awkwardness.
But, think about all that we could be missing out on while we’re buried in our phones. The person in front of you at the checkout line could be your person—with your blinders on, how would you know?
It’s time we break up with our phones and break out into the world, ready to receive all that it has to offer. Even if that means getting knocked down a couple of times along the way. Putting yourself out there isn’t easy. It takes courage, but I really believe that what’s waiting on the other side makes it all worth it.
Now, I’m not saying that we should cancel all dating apps—they are a very convenient way to meet new people and, if nothing else, they can be a helpful step toward getting back in the game. But, I stress again, that being more comfortable with face-to-face interactions is the goal. We are humans, and interpersonal connection is in our nature!
I Challenge You to…
…not see someone approaching you in conversation as a creep (although, I’ll never tell you to silence your instincts); instead, allow yourself to be open to another person entering your ether.
…boost your self-esteem by taking time to nurture your mind, body, and spirit. You know the drill, so try your best to just do it: eat well, exercise, get enough sleep, and meditate.
…read and repeat positive affirmations daily and engage in activities that boost your confidence.
…set intentions before going out in public or to a social setting, and visualize what you want to manifest. Picture yourself as the confident, radiant version of yourself who attracts and engages effortlessly with new people.
…go out solo—to a coffee shop, a restaurant, a park, wherever—at least two times per week and see what happens! Maybe you try a few spots before you find your favorite, so you’ll be experimenting with confidence. Encourage yourself to spend your time out solo without using your phone. Instead, try reading a book or working in a way that limits your screen time so that you can focus on being present in your surroundings.
…use eye contact, one of the most significant and courageous actions you can take. Locking eyes with someone can communicate confidence and intrigue, so don’t be afraid to make eye contact with someone for a few seconds longer than usual. Embrace the discomfort—it’s only temporary because it’s what allows you to grow. When you exude an open energy in these moments, you never know what you may attract your way.
…take some risks and do something you’ve never done before like signing up for a local singles’ event or trying a new hobby like salsa dancing or pottery. If you’ve spent the past few months or years swiping left and right on dating apps, now is the time to take a leap of faith and be a bit daring. Vulnerability is a strength; use it to guide you.
I’m tasking myself with all of these challenges as well. I recently saw a flyer of a speed dating event and initially dismissed it, but then thought, “As someone who’s swiping to meet someone, why wouldn’t I see this as a fun and new experience?” Again, I’m not knocking on the apps; I know plenty of people who met their people that way. I’m just saying that possible connections are all around us, sometimes it just takes stepping outside of our comfort zone. And, even though it’s a hard pill to swallow, someone knocking on your door at home to ask you out is something that only happens in ’90s RomComs.
Practice Not Perfection
The more comfortable you become practicing approachability on your own, the more open you’ll be to practicing it in other areas. In social settings, start by listening actively and asking curious, genuine questions, and don’t be afraid to share your own experiences. Arm yourself with conversation starters to break the ice, such as “What’s the best book you’ve read recently?” or “Where did you grow up?” The more you initiate the conversation, the more confident you’ll feel.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of negative self-talk and to doubt your abilities in these settings, but this only serves to hold you back. Instead, focus on your strengths and tell yourself that you are capable of meeting new people and forming meaningful connections. Before entering a social setting, visualize yourself feeling confident and comfortable–you’ve got this!
Of course, I’m not trying to say that meeting people and forming connections isn’t hard. It absolutely is—and not only for romantic relationships. But your openness, which is also not limited to romantic relationships, can shift an entire social dynamic, bringing out more meaningful interactions all around you.
Remember that building confidence takes time, patience, and practice. Be kind and compassionate with yourself, and celebrate your successes along the way. It can help to set small, achievable goals, like attending a social event, joining a club, taking a class, or even going on a date. When considering your goals, it is also important to identify your fears and address them one by one. When we don’t confront our fears, we give them the power to hold us back from experiencing true happiness and fulfillment in our lives.
Go from No Confidence to Crushing It!
Fear of rejection is very common, but unfortunately, rejection is just another part of life. It happens to everyone and often guides us toward something that will suit us better! Dating comes with obstacles along the way, but they do not define your worth or potential for finding love. Don’t let a few setbacks discourage you from putting yourself out there.
Keep an open mind and a positive attitude, and remember that every interaction is an opportunity for growth and connection. By embracing rejection rather than avoiding it, you’re one step closer to mastering the world of dating and finding your true mate!
Building confidence while getting back into the dating world takes practice, but it is achievable. By taking care of yourself, taking steps toward boosting your self-esteem, setting intentions and goals, taking risks, arming yourself with conversation courage, and practicing approachability, you can ensure that you have the confidence to meet someone organically and in person. Let’s take the time to disconnect from our devices and invest in ourselves and our interpersonal connections. Who knows? The love of your life could be waiting for you in that coffee shop down the street!
I’m here to support you on this journey and all journeys towards happiness, wellness, and fulfillment. Curious what that may look like for you? Let’s get to know each other–becoming a better version of yourself can start today!